After sometime lakshmi came to my home and started talking with my grandma and they two started laughing together and after sometime grandma said that...she is going to her friends house and left leaving me and lakshmi alone. Then I started talking with lakshmi yesterday’s matter and after that I asked her why they were laughing now then she said they were talking about the yesterday’s matter and my granny cracking jokes about our relationship and asked lakshmi to take care of my dick and left…. Sapphire grabbed her leg, flipping her onto her back. She grabbed her tattered dress, tearing it from her frail body. Sapphire took a moment to admire the girls naked, shaking body. Yvette sobbed as Sapphire knelt beside her, brushing her hair away from her face. Sapphire kissed her softly, then bared her sharp teeth. She bit Yvette's shoulder, drawing blood. Yvette screamed and crawled away. Sapphire grabbed her, dragging her back. Sapphire forced Yvette's legs open, placing her head between. The comments pretty much boiled down to:* I appreciate the points you made about the quality of writing "But your intro really sets you up for failure."It did. My syntax was terrible, the dialog was flat and so on and so-forth (my main character had three different names.)* There was one in particular by a "Vickie" that hit the nail on the head. The nicest part: "You're so self-consciously self-contradictory, self-vaunting and self-evasive, I hardly know where to begin. So I'll won't begin.. I turned my head and Velda covered my mouth with hers. Her tongue wormed between my lips. It had been a while since I’d enjoyed the attentions of a sweet smelling young creature toying with my affections. Now I was being engulfed by two naughty vixens, either of which could have reduced me to smoldering ruins with a bat of her eyes. I was in heaven. Velda noticed me trembling first and said to Deb, ‘Let’s go below to the master stateroom and see if we can encourage Mr. Kewl to let you stay on.
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