................What a fucked up life this is I thought.I had taken my laptop to the states and on it I had photographs of Amanda and I in happier tim...s, some nights my heart would feel heavy at the loss, but I never let it show in my few emails to Amanda, I had been in the states about 5 months when I received a email from Susan saying how worried she was about Amanda it seemed she had lost a lot of weight and was in trouble keeping on top of her job so much so that she had been forced to take. My wife fell asleep on the car ride home. i put her in bed and she slept the rest of the day and night.the next day, she said she couldn't remember anything from the gyne visit and asked me if the gyne told her my sperm was the reason we couldn't get pregnant. i confirmed it was true, and she cried and grieved a little. a couple days later, i asked what she thought about sperm donors. she was open to the idea but thought that was expensive. we looked into it online and did find it too much for. First things first, I find a clean pair of white virginal knickers and slip them on. Usually I will inspect my body in the full length mirror something I could never do sober. I'm nineteen now and should be in my prime but all I see is problems. I'm always over weight but at the moment I'm not that bad, just about ten pounds; my thighs are a little thick and my boobs have gone up from a B to a C. Not a bad thing in general but they tend to droop just a tad when there're bigger. Also I can't. We piled into the Buick with our fathers sitting in the front, Suzie’s driving. Our mothers sat in the second row seat, while of course us kids rode in the rear facing third row, all of us giddy with excitement at the prospect of the adventure of a lifetime trip ahead of us. At that moment we were still normal kids, perhaps a little better off than some.At that moment, at that time, in that place, I could never have imagined that barely more than a year later, I would spend the rest of my life.
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