I liked that image of myself, but it frightened me that I didn’t know who was really in control. I began to list these observers: Russell the Write... Russell the Sexual Being Russell the Sufferer Russell, the Extension of Lexi Russell, the Good Man, the one who tried hard. Russell, confused, tormented, lost, abandoned and drowning, not worth saving, contemptible, incapable, weak and loathsome in my own eyes. Even my own capacity for self-pity made me sick with revulsion. Even my grief was. "Hold on tard, I need some wurter." "It's pronounced water," Jack corrected. "That's what I said, joto! Wurter!" "Water." "I know! …Wurter." Jack paused and listened to Meggie swallow. "Who was the first president of the United States?" "Uh, George Wurshington..." "Wurshington? Okay, Just checking." "I hate you!" "Listen, you should be getting the stuff I ordered for you tomorrow. You gonna be home?" "I have to do the wursh, so yeah, I'll be home. What did you get?" "It's a surprise.". The rattle of the letterbox announced the delivery of the morningpapers and Jenni jumped out of bed to retrieve them. Belinda wokeslowly and went into the bathroom to relieve herself, wincing at thevery sore feeling from her recently deflowered rear.They both silently read the article, written by David and placed undera prominent picture of Belinda with the headline "Belinda Stone; manor woman, manipulator or guru?" Shit," said Belinda reverting to male mode, "they've distanced thepaper from me. Well, I hate to admit it, but the ranch is getting too big for me. If you don't come back pretty soon I'm gonna have to hire a manager. That'll be pretty expensive, but I don't know what else to do."Damn, that made me feel bad. "I'm trying to work something out. Can you hold on for a few months, say the end of September?" Yeah, I can do that. I won't book any new hunts 'til you give me the word. That will ease things up enough, I think."We drove back after a couple or three beers, and as we.
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