I ached for penetration but did not know it at the time. One afternoon I recall with C, we were inches away from being caught. Our tiny living room ...as right next to the kitchen, where my mother, Charles, and a couple friends were drinking it up. I was wearing royal blue corduroys that were a bit too tight around the waist. This is the day C went for it. He unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down to my ankles. I had never felt such anticipation and excitement. He pulled his pants down. You fall back against the sofa back and your eyes look towards the ceiling while you spread further so that I can see you aren't wearing panties today. Such a slut!I'm telling you about how that bitch gave me the run-around about my chequing account and all you can do is tease yourself by cupping your cunt with the palm of your hand. Slut.I stop talking to watch you for a minute to see if you are listening to a word I say, but no - slut. You are slipping a finger between your lips. I see. I wasn't allowed out alone and on campus he'd even follow me to the loo and wait outside the door for me. He also made me cancel coming to see you at Easter, Mum. That was the first caning I had because I refused. Again I was wearing jeans but he gave me ten strokes. He made me count and apologise after each one. It really hurt."Anyway, on Easter Sunday I asked him if I could phone you, Mum, to wish you a Happy Easter. He refused me, I argued with him and he completely lost it. He dragged me. And it cuts me deeply, his stare, it's almost my undoing. Anything would be better than the ice in his eyes, I'd rather he raged at me.Of course I would. This is my punishment, I realise. This simple look which conveys so much; the stare which increases my shame a hundred-fold. It’s this look that proclaims me the villain when it was he who did this to me! It was his actions which led us to this point; his choices which made him a kidnapping coercer and me his murderous whore! How dare he.
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