.....Matt had been with me even before he was born. I had carried him inside me for 9 months, I could feel his heart beat, his arms & legs moving insi...e me.His drop kick dad had left me for some married slut before Matt was born. For 18 and a half wonderful years Matt had been the only man in my life. I can clearly remember looking to see if he was a boy or a girl when the nurse handed him to me in the hospital. His tiny pink penis gave up the secret. I had given birth to a strong wonderful. " She's O.K. with it?" Well, yes, but the last time she did suggest that I start buying my ownclothes." So, today's the day! You want to buy what you are wearing? " If I can afford it yes please." I don't dress cheaply, but I'm in the business, so, as my Jewish girlfriends tell me, I never, ever, pay retail. The bra retails at ?85, theknickers at ?30, but don't go pale. They're not new, at least 18 monthsold, so you can have them for ?30-the price you'd pay in Marks andSpencer and the quality;. "What did you have in mind?" I want it lighter, no actually, I want to be a blonde. And, I haven'thad them since I was a little girl, but I want tons of curls." We can do it all, how about we color your hair, highlight it, and thenperm it?" I am all yours, transform me."This was my latest dream. They were all like this.I would sleep in fits, thirty-minute intervals, that was tops.It was next to nearly impossible to sleep at night, with the new machinein the garage consuming my every thought;. I took my ramen out of the microwave and rushed back to my room slamming the door behind me. I looked in the mirror doors of my closet and saw my reflection standing there staring at me. This would be normal except the only problem was I wasn't standing. I had sunk to the floor curled up in a ball traumatized. He rolled his eyes, "Will you get up it's embarrassing" and I did I don't know how but I was suddenly standing. "Now we need to talk. First, stop looking so fucking pitiful all the time.
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